Fer Sure Maybe; Fer Sure Not

They say showing your true side to your significant other will drive them off. I have to disagree with this. I'm a normal girl that dresses differently than others. My hair never does what I want it to, and my clothes don't always match. I still fan-girl over boy bands, I scream when I get angry, cry when I'm sad. I'm ticklish on my feet, my sides, and parts of my legs. I have good days and bad days, and I don't care 100% how I look. I can get jealous when another girl talks to my boyfriend or even looks at him with googley eyes. I don't have a set body temperature; I have hot flashes all the time, and sometimes I'm freezing cold.

I don't watch chick flicks because they make me cry, and sometimes when I watch horror flicks I get so drawn into them that they scare me or give me nightmares. I stay up at night past my bedtime to make a wish at 11:11, but sometimes I don't make it. I get angry with my parents when they tell me "No, you can't have that," or "No, you can't go over to his house today." I get upset when my boyfriend isn't always honest [or at least when I don't think he's being honest] or when he doesn't explain himself very well. I hold grudges for a long time, and it hurts me in the long run.

Yet my boyfriend hasn't turned on me. He's always there for me. We may fight all the time, but it's because if we're not fighting, there's nothing to talk about, and that's mundane to me. I have goals in my life; I want to get a job to pay for my car payments, an apartment, food, gas for my car, and still have money left over to blow here and there with my boyfriend or with friends. He's still by my side. No matter what happenes, I can trust him to be there for me.Why couldn't anyone else be like that?

They say showing your true side to your significant other will drive them off. I have to disagree with this. I'm a normal girl that dresses differently than others. My hair never does what I want it to, and my clothes don't always match. I still fan-girl over boy bands, I scream when I get angry, cry when I'm sad. I'm ticklish on my feet, my sides, and parts of my legs. I have good days and bad days, and I don't care 100% how I look. I can get jealous when another girl talks to my boyfriend or even looks at him with googley eyes. I don't have a set body temperature; I have hot flashes all the time, and sometimes I'm freezing cold.

I don't watch chick flicks because they make me cry, and sometimes when I watch horror flicks I get so drawn into them that they scare me or give me nightmares. I stay up at night past my bedtime to make a wish at 11:11, but sometimes I don't make it. I get angry with my parents when they tell me "No, you can't have that," or "No, you can't go over to his house today." I get upset when my boyfriend isn't always honest [or at least when I don't think he's being honest] or when he doesn't explain himself very well. I hold grudges for a long time, and it hurts me in the long run.

Yet my boyfriend hasn't turned on me. He's always there for me. We may fight all the time, but it's because if we're not fighting, there's nothing to talk about, and that's mundane to me. I have goals in my life; I want to get a job to pay for my car payments, an apartment, food, gas for my car, and still have money left over to blow here and there with my boyfriend or with friends. He's still by my side. No matter what happenes, I can trust him to be there for me.Why couldn't anyone else be like that?

When It Rains, Go To The Only Person That Makes The Sun Come Out Again

Friendships are the hardest things people can deal with.

You try to make things right with yourself and the person simultaneously.

Try to match up, equal out.

People voice their opinions all the time; she listens; she communicates; never puts anyone down.

She never speaks out of turn; never throws in her problems to overpower the other person with her problems.

But on this one day, today, she wanted to speak about a problem; no one listened.

Why can't anyone listen to the advice-giver for once?

She needs advice sometimes, too, you know.

The time is now for this girl to give up hope that friends really are forever.

The only "forever" is that she will forever and always be herself; never giving up; forever searching for answers she cannot give to others.

If friends are hypocritical and won't listen to her, then she'll turn her back; she'll quit caring about them, for all they're doing is using her to make their lives better; or so it seems.

Not anymore.

Not this time.

They will not hurt her anymore.

They can't hurt her anymore; she built walls.

They will not see her agony, fail, or cry.

Her head is high, and she lives on.

He makes her life happier than those "friends" ever could, ever would.

He knows her, cares for her, charishes her.

As he does for her, she does for him.

She needs him, not her "friends."

He needs her.

The boy and girl will last.

They'll see; they'll regret their doubt.

Just wait and see.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

There's a time to say hello, and a time to say good-bye.
Right now, she doesn't know what to say.
They go on like nothing ever happened, though they know something did.
They lied; they cried; they died a little on the inside.
Nothing hurts worse than when things are thrown around that aren't true.
Someday things will be the way they should've been.
As for right now, I doubt they'll make it.
For all they seem to do is pretend that nothing is bothering them.
But for once in his life, why can't he be a man?

Temptation has its perks.
We all know that.
For him, it's more than perks.
It's fantasy becoming reality.
There are times when you should confront your fears, and times when you can just let things slide.
That girl won't let anything slide; not anymore.
He'll hear what she has to say; he'll get a piece of her mind.
Nothing is going to slow her down.
Nothing can bring that girl to her knees in failure.
Nothing.

The Pain Is Unbareable.

These next few days will go like molasses.
Broken dreams are constent in these times.
I feel unsure about most things.
But I know that I still hate hospitals.
And IVs.
I have bruises, and all day pain.
I need a shower, but I can't stand very long, so I'm scared to take one.
My washer is being stupid, so I can't do laundry right now.
Headaches, and clusterfucked.
That's how this week has been.
Can't take any medicine except Amoxicillin and Tylenol Three with Codeine.
Plus, it's that time of the month.
Can this week get any worse?
...
...
When stuff like this happens, they always do.

I Know I Said I Wouldn't Do This, But Fuck It..

I'm stuck with these mixed feelings, and I feel like I'm staying for that one specific reason.
Only one knows why... other than the one it happened too.
I'm stuck between a few.
There's the current boyfriend.
Then the bassist.
The hyperspastic freshman.
And the current boyfriend's friend who has a girlfriend [either way, he's out of the picture due to morals].

I love my boyfriend, but he's an ify person.
The bassist is more than likely too old, and NOT interested, just friendly.
The hyperspastic freshman, I was told, was off limits because he's like her little brother.

I'm not sure which I'd prefer.

Then again, I'm not sure if I want to start over.



Time will unfold.
Mistakes will be made.
Actions will take place, some that probably shouldn't have.
Hurt, drama, possibly tears.

I don't want anyone hurt, myself especially.
Not to be selfish or anything.
I'm tired of the pain, but I don't want to inflict any on anyone.

This won't make everything easier or anything, it'll just make me start to think straight, or at least try to think straight.