Mother's Day

I couldn't sleep last night. Well, to be honest with you, I did sleep. I fell asleep between 8:50 P.M. and 9:10 P.M. and woke up around 11:30 P.M. After that I couldn't go back to sleep.
I read most of the night. I finished The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Cathrine Jinks and I started Bliss by Lauren Myracle. I stayed in my room until my ungrateful brother went to bed around 4 A.M. and went into the living room. I got bored sitting in there, so I read outside.
About 6:30 A.M. my mom walked outside for a smoke. I told her "Happy Mother's Day" and tried to have a conversation with her, but it wasn't much of a conversation. I think was ignoring me, but I don't know. It could've been because she was tired.
After she went inside, I walked in about five minutes later. She wasn't in the living room, so I thought she went to take a shower in ther bathroom downstairs because she does that on holidays. Normally waits until about 10.
I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. When I got out of the bathroom, the house was unusually quiet. I went downstairs and found Mom back in bed. I don't know why, but it angered me. Is it bad that I wanted to sit with my mom in the living room and read?
When I left her room, I fought back tears and the urge to want to strangle her. I was angry, depressed, and alone once again. My brother and sister were fast asleep as well.

How can someone feel so alone with a house full of people?

Wow... It's Been Awhile

I kinda miss writing in here.

It's whatever though.

So, school is taking up way more of my time than I wanted it to or even thought it would.

Teh [yes teh, not the] boyfriend is taking up a bunch of my time as well.

Things are settling down now though... finally.

I'll be hanging out with a new friend of mine pretty soon... maybe like Thursday.

Well, he's not a new friend, but I consider him new because we can finally hang out with just the two of us.

No more boyfriend around lol

Teh boyfriend is getting his license pulled on the 12th until he turns 19.

That sucks ass because he'll be getting a job, and then I'll be getting a job, then we won't have any time to even talk on the phone.

Can't wait until I get a cell phone.

I'm gonna be a text-aholic.

I promised myself I wouldn't be, but there's nothing else to do when you don't get online anymore and you won't be in school.

Whatev.

That's life I guess.

Plain And Simple

What I said is probably not what you heard.
What I've said about you is that you're being immature about the whole situation.
I understand your anger, but did that really give you a reason or the right to turn your back on me?
Fuck no.
It did not.
Brookesany agreed with me.
That's all I've ever said.

Until I heard what you said about me.
You told Hunter you were going to "come to my house to beat my ass" and all I had to say about it was bring it.
Brookesany told me she told you.
But you never did.
So you know what I said after that?
I plain and simply call you a
Coward.

That's all.
So whatever you heard that wasn't this more than likely was a lie.
I know what I said.
It's a crying shame that you heard other shit that wasn't even true.
Believe what you want, though.
I've lost interest in this and you.

It's Too Late To Turn Back The Clock

I've become lost in my thoughts lately.
I know what I want to say, but when I say it, nothing comes out the way it should.
I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of pretending I don't care anymore.
She was my best friend; the only person I could ever really explain myself to that would understand my thought process even if it didn't make sense to ME.
Is it wrong to say I know I'm right, but I still miss her?
I care that I lost a friend, but I care even more that she was my BEST friend.
It's too late now, though.
Everything is too hectic, and there's no time to make anything right.
It's over, even though it shouldn't be.

I'll try to live my life, as long as you live yours to the fullest.



They say friends are forever,
But no one really knows that friends can fall apart,
Especially at the worst moment in time,
The time you need them the most.

Things Left Unsaid - Stephanie Hemphill

What you don't know

is that like most renewable

resources I can be translucent

one day and broken-down

the next, sharp and then dull.

I replenish myself, shed my skin

like the rattlesnake, learn to use

new limbs like the starfish,

devour insects and enemies

like the black widow. What you

don't know is that although

my eyes appear to stare blankly

forward, words boil inside my head.

What you don't know

are the things I left unsaid.

Fer Sure Maybe; Fer Sure Not

They say showing your true side to your significant other will drive them off. I have to disagree with this. I'm a normal girl that dresses differently than others. My hair never does what I want it to, and my clothes don't always match. I still fan-girl over boy bands, I scream when I get angry, cry when I'm sad. I'm ticklish on my feet, my sides, and parts of my legs. I have good days and bad days, and I don't care 100% how I look. I can get jealous when another girl talks to my boyfriend or even looks at him with googley eyes. I don't have a set body temperature; I have hot flashes all the time, and sometimes I'm freezing cold.

I don't watch chick flicks because they make me cry, and sometimes when I watch horror flicks I get so drawn into them that they scare me or give me nightmares. I stay up at night past my bedtime to make a wish at 11:11, but sometimes I don't make it. I get angry with my parents when they tell me "No, you can't have that," or "No, you can't go over to his house today." I get upset when my boyfriend isn't always honest [or at least when I don't think he's being honest] or when he doesn't explain himself very well. I hold grudges for a long time, and it hurts me in the long run.

Yet my boyfriend hasn't turned on me. He's always there for me. We may fight all the time, but it's because if we're not fighting, there's nothing to talk about, and that's mundane to me. I have goals in my life; I want to get a job to pay for my car payments, an apartment, food, gas for my car, and still have money left over to blow here and there with my boyfriend or with friends. He's still by my side. No matter what happenes, I can trust him to be there for me.Why couldn't anyone else be like that?

They say showing your true side to your significant other will drive them off. I have to disagree with this. I'm a normal girl that dresses differently than others. My hair never does what I want it to, and my clothes don't always match. I still fan-girl over boy bands, I scream when I get angry, cry when I'm sad. I'm ticklish on my feet, my sides, and parts of my legs. I have good days and bad days, and I don't care 100% how I look. I can get jealous when another girl talks to my boyfriend or even looks at him with googley eyes. I don't have a set body temperature; I have hot flashes all the time, and sometimes I'm freezing cold.

I don't watch chick flicks because they make me cry, and sometimes when I watch horror flicks I get so drawn into them that they scare me or give me nightmares. I stay up at night past my bedtime to make a wish at 11:11, but sometimes I don't make it. I get angry with my parents when they tell me "No, you can't have that," or "No, you can't go over to his house today." I get upset when my boyfriend isn't always honest [or at least when I don't think he's being honest] or when he doesn't explain himself very well. I hold grudges for a long time, and it hurts me in the long run.

Yet my boyfriend hasn't turned on me. He's always there for me. We may fight all the time, but it's because if we're not fighting, there's nothing to talk about, and that's mundane to me. I have goals in my life; I want to get a job to pay for my car payments, an apartment, food, gas for my car, and still have money left over to blow here and there with my boyfriend or with friends. He's still by my side. No matter what happenes, I can trust him to be there for me.Why couldn't anyone else be like that?